He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
