I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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