Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
