I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
