hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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