did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
