Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
