Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
