I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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