This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
