The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
