4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
