1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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