Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
