I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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