Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
