you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
