I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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