No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
