dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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