Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
