Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am naked and annoyed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
