Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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