at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
