You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize