i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
