I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
