So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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