Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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