drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
