wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
