Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
