you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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