Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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