Swine flu. Run for my life!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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