dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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