Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
this hospital has no fireball
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
