I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
