I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
