i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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