So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
