people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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