The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
