My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
