Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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