Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
