This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
