I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
