I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
