you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
