So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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