I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
