its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
