So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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