Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
