put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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