sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
