summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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