Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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