A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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