I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
