Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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