Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Screwed.edu
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
