Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
