i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
