man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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