Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
