Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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