i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
