As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
