Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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