I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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