I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize