if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
