bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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