Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
