does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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